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HOW TO HANDLE DIFFICULT PEOPLE
by, Oscar Bruce
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+ We all have stuck our foot in our mouths at just the wrong time
and ruined any chance of winning our point or defusing an argument.
+ You can learn to suavely handle those foot-in-mouth upsets which
occur when one of us says the wrong thing.
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+ You can be persuasive and calming with irate people reducing
friction-developing instant credibility. Smoothing over the bruised egos.
+ This article presents workable techniques to help you cope with difficult
personalities and build wonderful relationships in the most difficult of
human relations situations.
+ You will improve your composure, your ability to eliminate stress in
the process.
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HOW TO HANDLE DIFFICULT PEOPLE Unless you're a hermit, dealing with people is a fact of life. The better you are at it,
the easier it will be to get along--on and off the job. Even if you're
a natural-born Ms. (or Mr.) Congeniality, you undoubtedly know
one or two people whose personalities put your good nature to
the test. If these people happen to be colleagues, superiors or
subordinates your ability to handle them may be critical to your success.
This article identifies some of the prickly personality types you
may have to contend with, and describes some tactics that can
help you cope with them.
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THE BACKSTABBER. The backstabber is someone who betrays
confidences, and such a person can be lethal to your career.
Whether their motives stem from insecurity or ruthless ambition,
backstabbers stand eager, ready, and willing to make you look
bad. Unfortunately, backstabbers are not always easy to identify,
unless they already have a reputation.
There are however clues that should make you wary. Is someone
you've never been close to suddenly pouring on the charm in an
effort to be friendly? Is a co-worker asking you a lot of personal questions? Have you
heard through the grapevine that someone is making it his or her business to find out
about you through others?
These are signs that a backstabber is gathering intelligence to
use against you. Be especially careful about what you say to
people when you join a new company or department. The trick
is to be friendly and cordial without spilling your guts and revealing your innermost thoughts to people you really don't
know all that well. To backstabbers, even a seemingly innocuous statement such as "I'd like to live in Boston someday" could
be used to try to make the boss believe that you are uncommitted to the company and planning to move away. Back- stabbers are
trying to climb the corporate ladder any way they can, and if they perceive you as a threat to their progress they'll seize any
opportunity to discredit you. No matter how good a judge of character or sincerity you think you are, the best defense against
backstabbers is not to reveal career or family plans, personal problems, gripes, pet peeves, or even unusual lifestyles to anybody
in your office.
Society may be more tolerant of different living situations these days, but that doesn't
mean your company is. As the old adage says, loose lips can sink ships...including
yours.
THE KNOW-IT-ALL. Unlike backstabbers, who work in secret,
know-it- alls let their presence be known. The know-it-all is
usually a per- son who has been with the company for a long
time and, as a result, feels superior to everyone else because
of intimate, first-hand knowledge of the business. However, this
doesn't mean that the know-it-all is a high-level executive; on the
contrary, most know- it-alls are nearer the bottom of the totem pole. Occasionally, a
fresh-out-of-college or grad-school upstart falls
into this category. Whether it's because of background or education, this know-it-all is brash and overconfident and
treasures an image of being smarter than everyone else. Know-it-alls often resent those who contradict or question them.
Since they think they have all the answers, they want respect and you'll only incur their wrath if you step on their toes.
So, if you can't avoid know-it-alls, the following suggestions can at least help you stay on their good side:
Be as polite and noncombative as possible. Acknowledge
their advice and opinions with a quiet "I see," "that's interesting,"
or "I appreciate the advice." Then move on to the task at hand. *
Do not suggest new ways of doing things to a know-it-all. The response to your suggestion is likely to be a cold stare
and some negative comment such as "that would never work" or "we don't do it that way."
If your boss is a know-it-all, the best way to get him or her to
implement your suggestion is to make him think the idea is his own. How? By spelling out the problem, casually mentioning
your solution, and then dismissing it in the same breath. If you say, "No, that would never work here," the know-it-all is likely to
support the idea...just to prove her right and you wrong. *Double-check, even triple-check everything you send to the
know- it-all. Don't give this person the opportunity (and the satisfaction) of pointing out your mistakes. *
Ask appropriate questions to indicate that you respect the know- it-all's position and ideas. Probably this person has
carried around a chip on his shoulder for years, because he feels no one really respects his valuable knowledge. By demonstrating your willingness to listen, you stroke his ego and may
even turn the know-it-all into an ally.
The martyr. Martyrs spend a great deal of time moaning, sighing, and complaining--usually about their problems,
headaches, long hours, and hard work. If you offer help or make a suggestion, the martyr will quickly dismiss it, because
a real solution to his problem would only ruin his martyr act. The martyr's game is to show how put-upon she or he is,
and martyrs thrive on sympathy. If you ignore martyrs,
they grow resentful and put on even more of a martyr act. So the best thing to do is to give them the words of sympathy
they feel they deserve but seldom get. You might say, "Bob, you really are busier than most people in the department. And
believe me, people notice." Once he receives the attention he's been craving, the martyr is likely to lighten up and complain less.
THE PRIMA DONNA. Does the term "prima donna" bring
to mind a certain executive's assistant? The prima donna
is often a young, over-groomed, and overprotective secretary
who aggressively guards her boss's office. She coolly screens
every caller and visitor and maximizes her power to its full
extent. The prima donna may retain her position by she giving
her boss an ego boost on a regular basis. Cross her - ignore
her - try to bypass her authority and she'll make life miserable
for you.
For example, phone messages you leave will never reach
the boss's desk. Appointments will be "forgotten." And files
and correspondence will fall into some mysterious black hole.
Avoid the prima donna when possible. When you must deal
with her, be cordial and non-threatening But realize that the
goal is not to become her best friend or ally but simply to avoid
being the object of her petty wrath. For unless you are in a position
above that of her boss, you probably won't be able to win her over.
THE MANIPULATOR. Manipulators get others to do their jobs
for them through trickery, charm, or by eliciting sympathy.
You, probably won't realize you've been conned into handling
their work until it's too late. A manipulator in action might start
by engaging you in friendly, casual conversation. As a seeming
afterthought, he adds, "By the way, do you think you could do me
a little favor?" or "I wonder if you might be able to help me out
with something because I'm so backed up and you're so good
at research (or organization, or filing, or writing, or whatever
the necessary task at hand happens to be)."
Perhaps this smooth talker disguises his request as an opportunity for you to show what you can do. Not that he
intends to give you any credit for doing his work. What do you say in response to these maneuvers? Some
possible re-plies:
+"I'd be glad to help you, but I'll have to clear it with my boss."
+ "I'd love to help, but I'm swamped today, too. If I get any
free time, I'll let you know. But as it stands, I'll be working half the night just
like you!"
+ "Actually, I could use a favor myself. So let's do this:
I'll help you tonight if you can stay late tomorrow and work with me on (fill in the name
of the project you need done)." The manipulator
whose goal is to get something for nothing, will probably
steer clear of you in the future.
THE GOSSIP stands about--and judge--what everyone else is doing. Gossips derive a sense of power and satisfaction from being the
source of information. And they have no qualms about spreading
private or unpleasant news. You can discourage this kind of
verbal garbage by tactfully refusing to listen to it or contribute to it.
If the gossip asks you a personal question, you might veer away from it by politely changing the subject. Or you can
use a more direct approach, saying, "Mike is a nice guy, and I don't like to hear about his problems. Can we talk about
something else?" By stopping the gossip before he or she can get started, you'll get across the message that you're not
interested. Just remember to do it politely, so that the rumormonger doesn't become angry and start spreading
gossip about you. As with a backstabber, the best defense
against the gossip is simply not to talk about yourself or others.
THE OVERSEER. Overseers are people who, when they give
you a job to do, won't let you alone to do it. Every other hour,
the overseer is on the phone or dropping by to ask, "How's it
going?" Maybe this person is an uneasy delegator who doesn't trust anyone to do a job well. Maybe she doesn't have enough
real work to occupy her. Maybe she's just impatient and demanding. Whatever the reason for her behavior,
you're the one who ends up feeling rushed, pressured, and irritated.
How can you get the overseer off your back? Start by reassuring
her that you are giving the project your full attention and, if you have any questions or
problems, you'll call her. Offer to update her on your progress daily or according to some other regular schedule.
If she still doesn't get the message, be more direct. Say,
"Pat, your time is too valuable to waste checking on each
step of this project. We've already agreed on a schedule, and as soon as the work is ready I'll call you." Once the overseer understands
that you'll do a better job when left alone, she'll probably be more willing to give you some breathing space.
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I have provided you general guidelines that will help you spot and
identify problem people. The only thing that remains is for you to
expand your verbal options in dealing with these people.
To prevail in any circumstance of environment always rests on
knowing "What to say and how to say it.
Oscar Bruce's publication WINNING WORDS & WINNING WAYS provides all the verbal ammunition you
will ever need to conquer any adversary or win any argument.
Additionally you will learn how to open conversations and then direct the to the outcome you planned.
Also how to manage difficult people when they Attempt to insult you or your work.
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Fearless Publications are not available in any bookstores.
They are only available at: http://www.fearlesspublications.com
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