No one can do anything to you unless you allow it. You cannot be
treated disrespectfully as if you have no feelings, are stupid, slow
or unworthy unless you allow that to happen.
For the most part good
boundaries ward off disrespectful treatment. A personal boundary is
a soft, invisible protection that you establish around yourself. You
might compare a healthy boundary to a lung, expanding and
contracting naturally to meet the needs of the present moment.
Boundaries move farthest out when we are in public and close in with
family and intimate friends. Our work boundaries come somewhere in
between and depend on with whom we are interacting ... boss or
co-worker.
You reflect your boundary
with body language. Watch for downcast eyes, soft childlike voice,
facial expressions that don’t match the circumstance, off-balance
posture and disjointed body movements as indicators of a too-soft
boundary. Watch for a rigid body posture, clipped voice, and lack of
facial expression and eyes that don’t blink, as signs of a
too-rigid boundary. If you have either of these types of boundary
you will not be able to respond to the present need only to react.
To build a healthy boundary
start by remembering to breathe. Next, check your posture, feel your
feet meeting the floor. Do a quick check of your muscle tension and
relax the tight spots. Be aware of your face and drain the tension
away by lifting your chin and relaxing your eyelids. Take a full
breath and allow your voice to come from deep in your chest, not
from the throat. Now stand tall, make direct eye contact and see the
other person for who they truly are.
Call me about upcoming
workshops on making powerful impressions, I’ll be working on
boundaries is those sessions.
Michaela David designs and
delivers seminars/workshops, is a therapeutic life coach and
clinical psychotherapist. You can contact Michaela by phone at (416)
964-9408 or email survival.specialist@sympatico.ca
